it’s so infuriating to love someone this much but not be allowed to…not be allowed to act on it, not be allowed to let the world know. I’m so so angry right now, that I have to tell myself to crush these feelings or be prepared to. finally something real and true after all the awful things these past two years but still no smooth sailing. I really am reaching my breaking point and I’m glad he’s coming back so we can talk in person. I can’t do anything else, it’s up to him, something has to be decided. I’m just done done done. I feel so nauseous and scared and so terribly lonely. how did I get myself into this? my goodness I did not sign up for this!!
my biggest fear with this j situation is that i’ll just be a mistake he made…when this romantic aspect of our relationship ends like it will have to if he doesn’t leave, that will all have been a mistake/i’ll have been a sin he indulged in for a while…how can i carry that??